


Little Red Lines

by PastaLeaf



Series: You Can't Rewrite The Past [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Comfort/Angst, Coming of Age, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Depression, Feels, Friendship/Love, Frottage, Graduation, Heart-to-Heart, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Conflict, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Making Out, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Middle School, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Rating Changed, Rating May Change, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:02:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9808427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaLeaf/pseuds/PastaLeaf
Summary: It didn't matter of Iwaizumi found him disgusting or hated his guts.Because he truly loved him.And would be there for himalways.'Always'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of a series well it could be read as a stand alone it would make more sense if you read the other parts because context ya know.

The cold air nipped at Oikawa's skin...

As did his sin...

He couldn't get it out of his head the way Iwaizumi looked at him with disgust. A burning hatred apparent in his vacant eyes. 

What he was doing was wrong.

He was wrong.

 

Iwaizumi looked at him with such hatred and disgust. 

Oikawa deserved it.

It was the only way he could see himself at this point.

Especially after what he did to Tobio.

The way his eyes looked at Oikawa as if he had betrayed the boy he loved.

Like it was his fault for them being caught.

When it was all Oikawa's...

For being careless....

For taking advantage of the younger boy's naivety.

He could of done the right thing...

But that would of required him to have courage.

To not be a fucking coward.

He was a coward.

Only a coward would tell the poor boy it was all his fault.

And shove him away even as tears poured down his face.

Selfish...he was so selfish.

Slowly he wipes away his selfish tears.

Pitiful.

Has he always been this way?

 

He looks up seeing the familiar image of Iwazumi's street name.

Was he like this when they were kids?

Or was he always a bad person....

Where had his purity gone?

Did even exist in the first place?

God he needed more of the helpless naivety of child...

He wanted to reverse time. 

 

Take him back to when he and his best friend were kids.

Before reality hit them...

 

Before the Peter Pan's spell ran out and it was time for them to grow up.

"Fuck!"

Oikawa screamed tearing apart his throat as he kicked the snow below him full force, more selfish tears cascading down his sinful mask of a face.

He needed Iwaizumi right now...

He was such a mess...

It didn't matter of Iwaizumi found him disgusting or hated his guts.

Because he truly loved him.

And would be there for him  
always.

'Always' 

That was what he thought till...he reached iwaizumi's house the front door agape. A cold numbing hitting him then.

Iwaizumi was home alone...

'Something'

His mom wouldn't be home yet.

'Was'

Would she? 

'Wrong'

The numbness chilled his bones as his icey fingers clawed open the door.

"Iwaizumi?"

'No reply'

A bit louder.

His heart raced.

"Iwaizumi?!"

He was frantic.

'Thud'

His heart stopped beating.

He clawed his way up the stairs.

His legs felt like they'd give out any minute now.

All he was greeted with was Darkness.

A darkness that screamed

'Iwazumi's in trouble get help!'

But he was frozen...

Fixated on the iridescent light shining from under the bathroom door.

 

His stomach was sick.

He pounded hard on the bathroom door as his knuckles purpled and bled.

His voice was an endless repeat of iwaizui's name.

 

Soon the knuckle pounding turned into body slamming. Splinters splicing and stabbing his skin as purple bloomed across his shoulder and side.

'Snap'

And he's tumbling to the floor that's covers his body in warmth and wetness.

But it's a more bone chilling feeling than anything else.

Red...

 

'His heart pounds against his rib cage'

 

All he can see is red.

He can't look up.

He won't.

It would make it become real.

It can't be real!

He won't let it be real!

But his body betrays him and his eyes trail up as his stomach clenches.

Zigzags of red cover his arms. 

Two vertical red lines cover his wrists splitting the veins seam by seam.

This couldn't be happening!

 

Iwazumi's smiling face lighting up his room. 

'Why'

Iwaizumi and him walking home from school laughing. 

'Was' 

Iwaizumi holding him tightly as tears streaked his cheeks.

'This'

The way Iwazumi's voice sang him to sleep.

'Happening' 

 

A loud guttural cry rips apart his vocal cords ripping them seam by seam.

As he clutches to his friend.

He didn't cry...

He didn't call for help...

He just screamed 

and screamed.

He screamed till his throat was aching and begging for him to stop...

But he wouldn't stop...

He couldn't stop...

'No!'

'If he stopped it would be real...'

He doesn't stop screaming when Iwazumi's mom comes running up the stairs and begins to scream and cry.

He doesn't stop screaming when the paramedics arrive and pry Iwaizumi out of his arms.

He doesn't stop screaming as they drag him out of the bathroom.

Or when the cold snow soaks into his uniform as he clutches to the ground on the lawn.

He doesn't stop screaming as the paramedics drive away with his best friend and the Ravens begin to sing.

He doesn't stop screaming as Iwazumi's mom strikes him in the face over and over clutching him to her chest as she cries.

"Tooru honey...stop...please...stop."

 

He doesn't stop screaming till he's vomiting all over himself, turning the numbing snow below him a sicking Orange.

As the sickening numbing returns and reality sets in.

That today...

All naivety he had left...

Was lost...

As he lost his best friend...

And he didn't even know why.

That's when the screaming stops and the tears begin.


	2. Chapter 2

'His best friend was gone'

That was all that played on repeat in his head.

The hospital waiting room smelt of death and sanitation.

'His best friend was gone.' 

The seat's fabric was scratching him, like little bugs biting his flesh;sinking their teeth in.

'He was gone.'

Iwaizumi's mother's hand was warm and comforting, though the the tears streaking down her cheeks, screamed something more sinister.

'He was gone.'

Even when the doctor came out and told them the "good news." It all felt like a superficial lie, a make believe sentence. He knew he should of been happy. His best friend was alive and would be okay. He would get the help he needed and deserved. But that did nothing for the empty pit in his stomach, the black hole that was slowly eating him piece by piece because the Iwaizumi he knew was gone.

 

The Iwaizumi who was always smiling.

The Iwaizumi who he walked home with.

The Iwaizumi who was his first friend.

His best friend...was gone.

And in his wake was an imposter laying in his bed pretending to be him.

Oikawa felt so alone.

And for the first time in his life despised his best friend for not being there.

For not being his one and only.

His Iwaizumi.

Oikawa began to change after that.

Life became a routine.

Wake up; School; Volleyball practice.

Repeat.

 

Everything felt superficial and unreal. Without Iwaizumi to protect him anymore reality set in. He realized how everything was universal and how no matter his actions nothing would change, nothing would matter. Iwaizumi still would be gone. He would still be some sick asshole who was perverting a little kid's mind.

Ha Tobio...

That was some kind of fucking shit show.

Kid was smart, and was beginning to question Oikawa's lack of sexual advances. Oikawa wanted to laugh at him every time he brought up the topic of sex. What could a dumb little kid like him possibly know about sex? He probably didn't even know how two guys did it. But what did that make Oikawa then? The sick asshole who was taking advantage of the poor kid. Who was getting hard to little squeaks he would make when he would press his lips up against his. He was deplorable, a sick depraved excuse of a human being. 

Worst of all he was in love with that kid. It kept him up late at night. Making him sick to his stomach, as the acidic taste of vomit would creep up his throat. 

Worse than that his best friend was to busy playing pity card to even see him.

"No visitors..."

The first time the cake faced nurse told him that, he wanted to punch a wall, especially because he knew it was Iwaizumi's dumb ass who had said it. It didn't matter the million bullshit excuses anyone gave him about the "healing process". Even someone as blind as a bat could see the simplistic writing on the wall. His best friend was avoiding him. It was plain and fucking simple.

Oikawa needed him!

He fucking needed him!

His life was falling apart.

The person he was so madly in love with he couldn't be with. 

He had to end things with him... 

But each time he tried, he would be sucked back in, by the little squeaks and soft lips pressed against his.

And to make matters worst he had found his best friend practically fading away on the floor of his bathroom, self inflicted wounds covering his body, and Oikawa had no idea why. He had no idea why his best friend would of done that or how he ended up clutching his friend's dying body.

He was damaged, all he could hear anymore was echoing screams of internal anguish and agony. 

He hated it.

He wanted it all to go away. 

He couldn't take it....

It hurt...

It all hurt to much...

And the only person he could talk to about it was avoiding him! 

His hatred kept growing and growing and growing, like a ballon being filled with helium to the brim just waiting to explode and startle everything in its wake.

One day it finally did. A pin pricked the sensitive latex texture of Oikawa's being and he his anger boiled over.

It was graduation...he was graduating from middle school but he was doing it alone. The one person he wanted to share everything and more with wasn't there. 

He 'popped'....

And so he ran...ran from the graduation, from all his problems, from his aching soul.  
He screamed and screamed till he couldn't scream anymore and his voice was raw. He hated him...he hated him...

That's what he told himself as he snuck past security and nurses. He was going to lay into him. Give him a piece of his mind and tell him how stupid he was being. Stupid and immature. 

He was gonna tell him!

Yeah!

He was...

All thoughts of screaming and yelling were replaced with the soft flutters of his heart as the door slowly clicked behind him and sitting before him was Iwaizumi his arms covered in gauze and wrap bandages. The way his eyes looked at Oikawa with a sense of shame and happiness. Made all the hatred he was harboring disappear as a huge smile painted his cheeks.

For the first time in a long time...

Oikawa Tooru was genuinely happy. 

He opened his mouth to speak.

".........."

But no words came out. 

He couldn't help himself all his pain from the loss of his best friend was boiling over as he walked over to Iwaizumi, and lowered himself onto the rock hard cotton mattress below them, intertwining the fingers. He had so much he wanted to ask...so much he wanted to say...but all that came out was nonsensical bullshit.

"They say your appendix burst Iwa-chan...but you have gauze and stitches all over your arms, it just doesn't make any sense."

He knew he sounded childish he couldn't help it. He felt like a small child in a situation he didn't quite understand. He wanted protection. He wanted the person he held the most dear in the world just to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. He can't help it when the tears begin to soak his face and the sobs erupt from his already aching throat.

Everything hurt...but everything felt nice somehow holding Iwaizumi's hand was a neutralizer for happiness. But then something happened that easily shattered that happiness to pieces and destroyed everything that had just been rebuilt.

He doesn't know why he does it.

Maybe it's because he's over come with emotions.

Maybe it's just because he doesn't know how to deal with it.

Maybe it was the lack of sexual gratification in his relationship.

Maybe it was just the thought that soon him and Kageyama wouldn't be together anymore.

But he turns his head pressing his lips hard against Iwaizumi's, as he tangles his hands in his hair pulling him closer as if not wanting him to let go, his hair is soft under the pads of Oikawa's fingertips. His lips are seemingly taking his breath away, Oikawa feels like he's melting into a sweet sin. He slowly swipes his tongue against Iwaizumi's soft tasting lips. He practically whimpers when Iwaizumi opens his mouth allowing their tongues to intertwine within one another. He tastes sweet Oikawa thinks.

That's when it happens hands on his hips rubbing small circles into them and Oikawa's gripping the back of Iwaizumi's shirt, crinkling the fabric beneath it. He spreading his legs hooking them around Iwaizumi's hips, as he presses his heels into the small of Iwaizumi's back springing him forward so that their hips are flush against one another. Oikawa can't help the high pitched moan that escapes his mouth as he feels the heat of Iwaizumi's erection pressed against his own cock. Iwaizumi pulls back looking at Oikawa, his lips are swollen and his hair is a tangled up mess. He looks so explicit it's sexy. A simple.

"Fuck..."

Is muttered before Iwaizumi's leaning back down, claiming Oikawa's mouth as his as he snaps his hips back down into his causing more high pitched moans to escape his mouth as he grips Iwaizumi's hair harder. He can't help the way moans practically roll off his tongue onto Iwaizumi's as Iwaizumi's hips press flush against his edging him on as his own hips flush forward to meet Iwaizumi's in an awkward attempt at some friction at some attempt at release. His hands grip at Iwazumi's hair so tightly Oikawa assumes it must hurt, but if it does Iwaizumi's not complaining as he groans into Oikawa's mouth. Soon enough they aren't even kissing anymore just moaning and groaning into each others mouths, as their cocks press together over and over again. Oikawa swears he could cum at just the sight of the little wet spot on the front of Iwazumi's sweats. It all feels to good and soon enough Oikawa can feel the familiar heat pooling in his stomach and sneaking its way up his spine. 

He's close. At that point his movements lose all rhythm they had just becoming erratic thrusts of his hips to get himself off. He clutches the back of Iwazumi's shirt so hard his knuckles are white. His eyes are shut but all he can see behind his eyelids are white he's so close and on a euphoric high...but suddenly that euphoric high crashes and he feels sick to his stomach, as another image flashes in his mind.

Tobio's smiling face....

With that he's shoving Iwaizumi away hard as his body shakes and his stomach flips, threading to spill todays food contents everywhere. 

What had he done? 

What had he done?!

He can't help himself as the tears begin pouring down his cheeks.

He's sick...

He's disgusting...

"I'm sorry Hajime."

Is all he gets out before he's running away again, sobbing as he begins dry heaving.

He runs and runs. 

Till he can't run anymore and he collapses into the ground underneath the bridge all the gagging his body had done paying off, as he spilled his stomach contents on the ground below him. His hands digging into the soft dirt beneath him, as his lungs burned and screamed for air.

But none of that mattered anymore.

As reality sunk in...

Everything was ruined.

And....

It was all because of him.


End file.
